On ABC this morning, former Governor Pawlenty said that he was ending his bid for the Whitee House following a “disappointing” third place finish in the Iowa Straw Poll.
Mr. Pawlenty, meet me in Camera 3: “Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You’ve been running for years. You were a strong candidate for McCain’s Veep in 2008. You are one of the few people in the race who isn’t crazy and has actual experience. We may not agree on much (ok, almost anything), but at a time when your party is full of batshit lunacy, don’t you see the merit in trying to take a strong stand for a more sane and, God willing, humane brand of conservatism? I mean, Christ, you bow out because you didn’t win the Iowa Straw Poll? It’s a non-binding exercise in buying the votes of evangelical Christians who love carnival food! You’re better than this.”
Ah, but there’s a catch!
The New York Times is reporting that Mr. Pawlenty’s campaign was based largely/entirely on a strong finish in the straw poll, and that failing to win imploded his candidacy.
Wait, what? Back to Camera 3: “You built your ‘robust’ campaign plan around winning over evangelicals? You, the quiet fiscal warrior? You, the Romney lite? You, the guy who’s good in the room and a darling, of sorts, of establishment Republicans? You staked your candidacy - FOR THE WHITE HOUSE - on winning over enough people with nothing to do on a Saturday in Ames, Iowa? You know what, maybe you should bow out. You might be better suited for something else.”
Alright, folks. Saddle up. Minnesota will now be known as Bachmann county for the rest of this race. Brace yourself for the latest wave of disbelief and inquiry from your out-of-state friends.
hahahahaha what a loser. At least he can grow his mullet out again.